A life in pink.

A year in pink.

 

2017 has not been kind to me. I’ve loved, I lost. I’ve grown and 2017 has changed me. I don’t feel like the same person I was only a few months ago. I’ve made mistakes, I’ve hurt people I never meant to. 2017 has taught me about maturity. It’s taught me to be more mature. To recognize immaturity in others. It’s taught me to be guarded in friendships. Simply put, not everyone is your friend, not everyone wishes you well. There are people who will smile in your face to only be a jealous wreck behind your back. And even when you kindly offer to help them. They’re too stubborn to accept any help that is not their definition of help… and it’s taken me a bit to realize that. I’ve spent my month away from blogging and happily on alts. Though it’s not something I’m hiding anymore.. I do appreciate the few of you who have been clever enough to ask me. :p

2017 has taught me about the good and bad parts of escapism. You can’t make an alt to run away from an unhappy situation because you will still be unhappy. You will still lay your head on your pillow at night and wonder. You will feel bad, you will happily swallow your own dread just to make someone else happy. Because you love them, because they love you. But is it? Is love hiding parts of who you are just to avoid an argument.. or an awkward situation is that love? No, it’s not. It’s manipulative. I find many people I’ve surrounded myself with were manipulative and lied. Not to be mean.. but because of their own insecurities. I’ve learned it’s ok to move on. It’s ok to leave someone behind because they can’t begin to understand the depths of things you need. So here I am. In my early 20’s. A mess, I’m flawed.. I’m jealous and insecure. I’m possessive and demanding. But I’m learning to accept my faults. I’m learning to line my cracks with gold and not look at them not as something destructive. But something that’s part of me. I’m sorry I’ve hurt people, but I refuse to be the only one at fault here. People don’t mess up, they don’t hide from people if people haven’t done anything to them in return. No one is innocent. And no one deserves to have stones thrown at them. You need to respect yourself enough to clean up your own mess, swallow your pride and settle your own beef. You need to learn boundaries and accept a situation you caused.

Someone I love told me recently “I pity you because you will never know what it means to love someone.” I wish they knew how wrong they were. I wish they had the mental maturity and inner strength to realize making someone a bad guy just to move on from them is never a good thing. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve kept things I needed bottled up because I loved someone so much I was ok with putting my needs to the side to give them everything. I’m an electrical storm, and I needed someone with the inner strength of a glacier to not be scared by my roaring thunder. I needed someone who would not waver in love to not be afraid of me when they see my fire streak the sky. I will always be there for my friends when they need me. But I also need to be there for myself more from now on.

 

Crown-*10: 4 ~ Mesh ~ King Royal Crown Sold by: Irrepressible1
Hair-[INK] Hair___SERIOUS by nontroppo Torii
Ears-[MANDALA]STEKING_EARS_Season 5 by: kikunosuke Eel
Coat-MK formation coat by Mat Kungler
———-Left——
Skin-Xin by bold & beauty by Jourdan McMillan
Shape- my own not for sale
Body-tmp by theshops

——-Right—–
Skin-stray dog erwin @l8 by gac akina
Shape- My own not for sale
Body-tmp by theshops

Little Rebel.

Little Rebel.

 

It’s no secret that I’m a huge Tom of Finland fan. I’ve done photos inspired by him in the bast.I think Tom was the ultimate rebel, and I’ve welcomed a bit of that energy in to my own life. Sometimes in really tense situations you force yourself to adjust, you put a lid on things you’ve liked doing for fear of them hurting someone else. Lately.. I’ve enjoyed letting the rebel in me out. I’ve enjoyed playing with this part of me I’ve worked so hard to control. To fit in to a box. I’m currently rejoicing in my own rebellion. And I gotta say, it feels kinda fucking great :p

-M

Hat-Swallow Hat_Pervert Black and Silver by luciayes Magic
Jacket-::GB::One-shoulder jacket by Takuya Jinn
Top/harness-[Cubic Cherry] {Vain} by kreao kujisawa @LootBox
Jockstrap-NOCHE. Essential Simple Jockstrap by Danny0ryan
Chaps-[noche] Male Chaps No.1 by Danny0ryan
Shoes-COX* Hight Sneakers stan storno
Skin-Tableau Vivant fabian (catwa applier) by M4ri1yn Magic
Body-TMP by theshops
Shape- my own not for sale.

Fighter.

Fighter.

 

Hey guys! I hope you’re all having a great day! I’d like to start off this blog with thanking the lovely people at Avi Glam. I had trouble with one of my purchases at skin fair.. and they were kind enough to send me a fatpack. It’s such a wonderful thing when you find out people who run the brands you love have such great hearts.

Shape- My own not for sale.

Hair-Tram

Skin-Kai by Avi Glam @ skin fair by kendra parfort

Body-tmp by theshops.

Hit the diamond.

Hit the diamond.

 

The worst pain in the world goes beyond the physical. Even further beyond any other emotional pain one can feel. It is the betrayal of a friend.
― ,Heather Brewer

It’s weird to be writing about betrayal so soon after I talked about recognizing wickedness in others. Saying I failed seems to be an understatement. It’s such an odd space to exist in after someone you trusted betrays you.

I’m hurt, my back wasn’t just stabbed someone took an ax to it. I’ve taken the last couple of days to remind myself of who I was, in an effort to keep some of my essence intact. In doing so, I’ve fallen down a hole of reading love letters, and remember things people have said to me. Doing so has helped me sort of move past these difficult past few days.I don’t think what happened to me will ever be part of the past. Part of me will always be guarded.. more so now than ever.. and that’s ok. I need to heal from this epic crap storm on my terms, at my speed. I hope your spring is off to a better start than mine was.

-M

 

Crown-.: Runic :. Magical Crystal Crown by Kasur Twine
Hair-Action Inkubator HAIR Thomas by marilynmonroe munro
Eyes-IKON Hope Eyes – Wight by Ikon Innovia
Ears-[MANDALA]STEKING_EARS_Season 5 by kikunosuke Eel
Bottom-titzuki : atlas skirt / white / by Titzuki Yuitza
Mantle-+ White Transcendence Ghost + {aii} by devilaii
shirt-titzuki : asphyxia shirt / white / by Titzuki Yuitza
Skin-Tableau vivant Fabian by M4ri1yn Magic
Head-Catwa daniel by catwa clip
Body-TMP by theshops
Shape-my own not for sale.

Wicked.

Wicked.

 

It is a fact that cannot be denied: the wickedness of others becomes our own wickedness because it kindles something evil in our own hearts. – Carl Jung

In my life I’ve become acquainted with wickedness, I’ve seen people I love turn in to wicked creatures. I’ve loved wickedness in others. I’ve even been guilty of being wicked myself. I’ve loved people who were wrong for me, but I think we all have.. This past week has seemed to be a trial of the emotional sort. I believe when you can see those patterns of ill will in people you might have been very fond of.. or even loved that you truly are growing. Not just emotionally… but spiritually aswell. But the true test is to love yourself enough to pull yourself through tooth and nail out of those dangerous patterns of mad love. So please, remember to love yourself enough.. to not put your heart in a dangerous space. And as cheesy as it sounds. It will get better. -M

 

Head-CATWA HEAD Daniel by catwaclip
Hair-DOUX – Stephan Hairstyle by dam1710
Ears- [MANDALA]STEKING_EARS_Season5 by kikunosuke Eel
Horns-PUNCH / Devil / Male {black} by may.tremont
Eyes-IKON Sovereign Eyes by Ikon Innovia

Jacket-Semller Hooded Bomber by Semller @TMD
Fox spirit-+ Familiar Spirit Oni + {aii} by Aii (princessaii)
Body-#TheMeshProject by theshops
Shape-my own not for sale…

Replay.

Replay.

Replay.

 

Hey guys! I’d like to start off by saying happy belated new years! I’m sorry it’s taken me a bit to post… It was my birthday and then I got a little sick. But here I am in my half naked glory.  Have you ever heard a song and just feel like it inspires you? I was shifting through music on Pandora when I heard a song called replay by Zendaya. It’s basically been on repeat all day (ha puns.) I hope you all had a great and happy new year.

Hair-http://Tableau Vivant \\ Oliver hair by M4ri1yn Magic @TMD
Collar-(epia) – Submissive’s Collar by Dutch Lyric
Jacket-::GB::One-shoulder jacket (on naked) / Black (rare) @theEpiphany by Takuya Jinn
Jockstrap-NOCHE. Essential Simple Jockstrap by Danny0ryan
Skin-~Tableau Vivant~ Rays Skin – Tone 03 – by M4ri1yn Magic
Shape- my own not for sale
Body ody ody-TMP by Theshops

Candles.

Candles.

 

Hey guys! I hope today is treating you well. How excited are we for bento? 😀 I can’t wait to bento myself so hard I’m sore the next day.  I again find myself saying the same thing. I  basically say in every blog post. I wish now there would be more bento mens items. I’d also like to have fingers that move. How else am I going to showcase my favorite finger to the world when they piss me off? So, here’s to us dudes hopefully getting bento stuff we deserve. Have a nice night guys!

-M

Hair/hairbase-Action Mesh Hair Shaun by MarilynMonroe Munro
Ears-[MANDALA]STEKING_EARS_Season 5 by: kikunosuke Eel
Eyes-Ikon -Sovereign In Pharaoh and Wraith by Ikon Innovia
Jacket-Seul garcon Reglan denim jacket by Vo Pralou @Tmd
Jockstrap-NOCHE. Bryan Jockstrap by: Danny0ryan
Skin-Rays tone 3 by M4ri1yn Magic
Shape-my own no
Body-tmp by theshops